OSU Game & That First Anniversary of CT's Death
I've not been awake much since Thursday. After work I came home and never left the couch until I had to go back on Friday. Friday was just a repeat of Thursday in terms of how I couldn't stay awake after school. Saturday Shayne said, "Do you think we should still go?" I knew we shouldn't, but I also knew it was the only game I could take Shayla to and I'd been wanting to share the "OSU Hoopla" with her since I ordered my tickets last April. I knew I should just send the two of them, but I also knew if I stayed home I'd just reflect upon how we spent that same Saturday in 2002. We had planned to take the girls back to the Black Swamp Arts Festival in Bowling Green like we had done in 2001, but Christi did not feel well. Little did I know then I'd be driving her to the ER the next day where a tumor would soon be discovered. No wonder she didn't feel well. Ergh! Bad memories of a little girl in pain!
I slept all the way to Columbus. Once there, I did ok. It hurts to walk and I'm slow, but I know I'll feel better soon. (I lost four pounds this week, despite looking like I am pregnant. Perhaps I can talk the surgeon into doing a "tummy tuck" while he's at it, hee hee!) Shayla enjoyed all of the pregame festivities very much. She watched the team walk to the stadium in their suits, watched the band's "Skull Session" in St. John's with 10,000 other fans, watched the cheerleaders practice, enjoyed the free kids' games/activities and loved the marching band coming out on the field. By the second quarter she was bored with the game, but it is hard when you don't understand the game and when you're in the midst of the student section where everyone is standing up to see the game and you're too short to see anything. We stayed to watch the band at halftime, which she loved, and then met Shayne outside of Ohio Stadium to head home. The girls slept all the way home while Shayne listened to the rest of the game.
I've not been at my computer since Thursday; however, I was greeted by sweet messages from bloggers when I sat down just a bit ago - thank you! And yes, you once again pointed out some information that surprised me. "Bathroom" - when I wrote that entry I had not remembered. That was Christi's last word. "Da da" - first, "Bathroom - last. Crazy! And yes, the photos were taken in Europe last September where I went to escape the anniversary of Christi's death. I don't believe I ever wrote about it as that period of time was so painful, but time helps and I can do it now!
Shayne had to go with a client to Milan, Italy for business. I knew I was not about to be home alone during that time. My doctor said he would write me a medical excuse and I was on an intermittent Family Medical Leave until October anyway so I went with Shayne for work and then we went off, on our own, for three more days in Paris, France. I am such a "date and time" freak that I would not let myself calculate the time difference as I did NOT WANT TO KNOW WHEN it was 9AM eastern standard time on September 19th and I didn't. We told ourselves we were in Paris to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary, which happened weeks after Christi's death and obviously which wasn't celebrated in 2006, except for the lovely diamond earings Shayne gave me. Many candles were lit in incredible catherdals for Christi's soul, much time was spent in tears and in incredible museums. We also met up with a fellow neuroblastoma mom, and a "Christi Fan" from Paris, but those were the only "cancer connections" we allowed ourselves to make. This year it will be hard, but NOT as hard has last year. "The Firsts" are always the worse. This year, I will be teaching and Shayne will be chaperoning Shayla's fourth grade field trip, just like he did for Christi's. Well, I can't believe I've been awake for so long now. I'm tried again. Goodnight!